Upon the Northern Lights
by MesonicPeak
Summary: Where nothing is ever the same anymore, Frigga gambles her life to give Loki everything. She just wants him back to her arms again. Why is that so hard to achieve? "So stubborn, Loki, you're still rejecting everything, even me."


**I wrote this because I was feeling so much angst about my own mother, and I needed to chill my steam so to speak. But we're okay now, I think. Mothers are so confusing and frustrating but you still love them so much regardless! Grr.**

**I wrote this while listening to_ To Build a Home (feat. Patrick Wilson) by The Cinematic Orchestra and Without a Word by Birdy_. Both songs give off amazing feels!**

* * *

_And I built a home_  
_For you_  
_For me_

_Until it disappeared_  
_From me_  
_From you_

_And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust._

_Held on as tightly as you held onto me._

-To Build a Home by the Cinematic Orchestra

* * *

The golden palace walls of Asgard grew dark and weary.

Twilight descends and the sun gives out its last ray of light from the darkening skies, casting shadows onto the realm.

But as Frigga gazes towards the sinking sun replaced by creeping darkness she laments on the fact that one of her sons were bound to it, crushed by it and yet he still finds solace in it. The darkness consuming him every day as guilt and despair does the same to the Queen of Asgard.

She grips the rails of her balcony attached to her chambers, gradually losing its warmth from two boys who once preferred to sleep beside their parents, peacefully wrapped around the arms of those who love them most in the whole Nine Realms.

And it aches for Frigga to know how many millennia it has been since she felt that unconditional contentment from her family, how she cries at night, whimpering beside Odin who only holds her and whisper false promises to her ear, and she has had enough of that.

Frigga has had enough.

She walks with regal grace towards the dungeons of Asgard, her anxiety masked by a perfected calm demeanor. She acknowledges the bows and curtsies from the people of the Asgardian court upholding her title as Queen, but in her mind she wants to punish them, break them as they have broken her son. As she contemplates this, the gnawing ache in her heart grew stronger and she fears for herself even more.

Frigga unconsciously clutches her heart as she nears the cell that houses her son, the fallen prince whom she loves so, so much. But she pathetically can't save him from anything, she fails as a mother.

Each step was coupled with the anxious pounding of her heart. She has been kept in the dark for so long relying on updates and news from her husband who speaks so scarcely about her son. She purses her lips at this and staggered for a moment. She places her right palm to the nearest wall ignoring the jeers and catcalls from the convicted inmates of the Asgardian dungeons.

"Look, look! It's the Queen! My Queen, please grant us an audience, come here!"

"My Queen, you look so beautiful in that dress shall we take it off of you?"

"Damn you, woman! Damn all of you to Hel!"

"Have you come to visit your Frost Giant, my Queen? Or are you truly a Queen of Asgard?"

There's only so much she can handle right now, and that statement was the catalyst that made her undone.

Frigga straightened and composed herself once more, emitting the aura of nobility and power while simultaneously drawing out magic from every pore of her body. The mongrels were driven to awe and silence. Twitching and shaking looking like beaten dogs. She approached the prisoner who degraded a prince of Asgard and blasphemed her, insulted her so lowly and questioned her title that she has held for as long as she can remember.

The man retreated back in the deepest corner of his cell. Frigga's face contorted in a scowl and she could no longer keep her anger at bay. She needs to let it all go before she goes to her son, the epitome of all her agony.

"You carry yourself a man and yet you disgrace them, act like the lowest of animals. You scorn the Queen of the Realm Eternal and I shan't be lenient to your sentiments. You do not have a place in this realm nor will you have any place after this." She spoke with quiet menace, like death silently whispering the end of how a person will die. Frigga isn't like this at all, being famed as one of the most beloved goddesses and known to rarely show brutality, but the fact is that nothing is ever the same anymore and truthfully it doesn't bother her.

She raised her hand directly before the prisoner, eyes wide in fear, "Be gone from the branches of Yggdrasil." Her hand glowed and with a quick turn of her hand the man's neck snapped and twisted in a very gruesome way, his eyes were pure white and no pupils can be seen. The Queen just stared for a moment then continued her trek to the deepest part of the dungeons, no remorse seen from her face.

_Mother! Mother! Someday, I'll make you so proud and you will love me more and more!_

Her steps faltered as she sees familiar green clothing peeking from where she stood. A hopeful smile spreads on her face and she couldn't contain the spark of happiness slowly erupting from her very core.

_I'm not your son! I never was!_

She started walking briskly, faster and faster until she sprinted the last remaining distance between mother and son until she stood before his cell and the smile from her face faded, her mind stopped working, her heart on the verge of halting its frantic beating.

Her life was shattering before her.

_The line of succession falls to you. Asgard is yours_.

"My son! Loki! LOKI!" Frigga banged her fists onto the force field of her son's cell creating ripples upon contact. Her voice was hoarse from the sudden outburst, her tears were flowing uncontrollably blurring the image of Loki bloodied on the floor. He was leaning on the wall that is opposite to Frigga, his blood streaked down gruesomely from where he lay.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The dripping blood falls to his raven hair that she fondly stroked for whenever he was afraid of monsters under his bed, when he failed to save a comrade at war, when he lamented in the death of his brother Baldr, when he exclaimed that he just wants to be Thor's equal, when he cries upon the shame he constantly brings to her and Odin.

"Loki, open your eyes! Oh please! Please stay alive, my son! Mother will save you, hold on!" Her mind started working again and she quickly dispelled the force field. It drained much of her magic and she staggered in her sprint towards Loki but quickly collected herself. She brought herself down to her knees besides Loki and held his ashen face to her trembling hand. Frigga frantically searched for a pulse, anything that will indicate that Loki was still alive. She puts her right hand where his heart lies and she breathes a faint sigh of relief. He was cold, so cold, and if she didn't felt that faintest of pulse she would have assessed that he was dead. She bit her lip, tears dripping on Loki's face mixed with his blood above him. She wiped those off his face and brought his nearly lifeless form to her embrace. Loki's head was nestled to Frigga's neck and she did the same. She breathed his scent and discerned the smell of his blood.

And started pouring every ounce of magic and life force she has to him.

_There's always a purpose to everything your father does._

At that moment, she abhorred Odin. For so long she has stood by his side, accepted him, cared for him, and loved him like no other, he returned all of those but the repercussion of being the All-Father was blurring the lines of being a husband, a father, and his duties as king.

She respected and understood his decisions and actions, she forgave all his faults, she gave him what he needed, but he deprived her of what she needed.

He deprived her of a son, and that, she realized was something she can never forgive.

She will not endure the loss of another son for an eternity all over again for the sake of the other realms' peace. How can she suffer when other families are relishing in the embraces of their children, of Odin regaining peace in all of the Nine Realms all for the price of what?

Loki's imprisonment and isolation? His suffering? No, she will not allow this anymore. She loves Asgard and that is justified by the years of service she has engraved on it. But her loyalty stands with her sons, with her dying Loki in her arms.

Damn you, Odin, for taking away my son from me.

_I am the monster parents tell their children at night!_

"Oh Loki, you don't know how much I regret everything that has happened. How I wish to reverse back time and tell you the truth from the beginning that will lessen the hatred from within yourself." Frigga kissed Loki's forehead hoping that her love will flow through him and save him, that it will be powerful enough for the both of them to survive this.

"I love you so much, my son. I love you so, so much. Please come back to me. Please forgive me." She was rocking him back and forth. They stayed that way for a long time and she lost the sense of time the moment she came down here. It was so dark and lonely. A tortuous place for someone as fragile and aggressive that Loki has become.

But she was here now. She'll make Loki happy again, she'll love him forever and never let him go. She'll make it alright. She must.

There were no guards checking up on them and Frigga wondered why that was. Usually they should be making their rounds and is stationed beside every cell, keeping the dungeons and prisoners in order. She was still busy giving life to Loki to even busy herself with that thought but it made her wonder for a moment.

"You are no monster, Loki. I am, I made you suffer for so long and I didn't do anything about it. As a mother, I have failed you." She was speaking so desperately now, so sad and lost at what to do and it hurts her not knowing whether what she's doing will save Loki.

"I love you, Loki, always and forever. Don't leave me, my son, mother needs you. I need you!" It's as if she was talking to an inanimate object. She was growing weary and stretched for giving too much of her magic and life force. The glow of magic she was emitting was starting to flicker and she held on to his body a little tighter, refusing to surrender to Death.

And that's when she felt a breath from her neck.

_You are our son, Loki, and we your family._

"But I don't need you, Frigga." With that ominous tone whispered in her ear by her son, she couldn't help but tremble in happiness and fear.

She pulled back a bit and stared in green eyes that always shined so brightly whenever it sees her, like she was the only thing in the universe that he loves. But not everything is the same way anymore, and she was staring back to the eyes that has seen more deaths and terror that she could ever fathom. But it was her son's nonetheless and she would accept that. She will.

"Loki? Bless the Norns you're alive! My son, I'm so hap—" Frigga never got to finish her sentence. She was cut off by the plunge of a dagger through her chest, the sound of sharp metal inside her, but most probably her breaking heart. Blood started to splatter on Loki's face again, but now it was twisted in a feral grin and viciousness that might as well be seen on a monster's face.

Frigga stared at the impaled dagger and back to Loki who was silently regarding her state, like a predator relishing in the sight of his prey. Her hold on Loki started to give away and she slowly slumped on the wall Loki previously inhabited. She was listlessly staring at her son, demanding an explanation but she couldn't speak, and she thinks she already knows why.

_Someday, I will be king, and I wish you to be there to see me triumph, Mother._

"Do not deem me a fool, woman. You do not love me, no one loves me. In fact, love is one of life's greatest lies. You are deceived by it and now here you are, dying in front of me." No, no, no, Loki! I love you! Frigga struggled to lift her hand to touch Loki's cheeks that were kissed so much by her and Odin, even Thor when they were little but now it was imprinted by a bloodied hand that he has spilt.

He was staring hard at her, no recognition of the son who loved her so dearly. He started to stand up and was even dusting away some dirt from his clothes. Frigga's eyes followed his every move but the action made her vision go black for a moment. He seemed stronger, she could feel his magic oozing from him like it was about to burst. Loki stretched his body and even seemed to pop some joints. He rotated his head and lifted his flexing fist on his face. Magic glowed from his hand and from there green shimmering magic engulfed his whole body, blinding Frigga from its brightness. After she opened her eyes tiredly, she could see the proud golden armor her son embodied. The armor that withstood wars and conquests, that killed and impaled.

"I must say, your magic is truly spectacular, Mother. It's flowing so potently in my veins. I would have never expected this plan of mine to be executed so flawlessly." His cape rustled as he bent down. He then put his index finger on her chin and lifted it gently so that she can meet his eyes. Frigga let out a haggard cough and was starting to gurgle on her own blood but Loki kept his finger on her chin, staring intently with green, green eyes.

She couldn't help but to lift her hand one last time and rested it on his neck and pushed her body towards him. Her head falling on his neck and whispered her final words as her body felt so tired, it wants to give up. Her grief so enormous coupled by the gaping wound on her chest.

"So stubborn, Loki, you're still rejecting everything, even me." She said this with all the grief she has.

"Find your happiness, Loki. Do not lose hope. Always remember that I love you and that you're always loved. You're so... loved..." Frigga's voice trailed off so softly that Loki leaned his ear a bit to hear her, not that it mattered anyway he thought. Her hand starts to fall so as her head but Loki caught her and brought her form to his arms, cradling her head.

Death wasn't claiming Loki, she was claiming Frigga.

He emotionlessly just stared at her body, his cape seeping his and Frigga's blood around him. Her final attempt in probing him with her love proved to be futile to spark something within him. He carefully laid down her body on his bloodied cell and he stood and stepped away, away from here, away from Asgard.

He stole one last look from his shoulder and was greeted by the most macabre sight of Frigga that will be forever burned in his memory. He immediately turned his body and was preparing to teleport somewhere, anywhere now that his magic returned to its superior state because of Frigga's idiotic motherly love.

He casted a fleeting gaze towards the running guards and of Thor who was evidently devastated by his Mother's state. As Loki slowly disappeared, intent on seeing this scene before him, Thor roared a sound of despair and hurled Mjolnir towards the spot where Loki stood.

* * *

His feet met solid ground and his vision was bombarded by the display of the Northern Lights above him. His knees instantly met the ground and he went down on all fours. Tears were falling so hard from him, his whole body shaking from the burst of emotion. He smashed his fist onto the ground beside his head that left a small crater. Loki straightened himself and stared at the wonderful light display that enchanted him the first time he saw them.

With Frigga who brought him here ages ago when he was a child.

He released a loud cry and screamed until he could no longer find his voice. Loki stared at the heavens where he left his mother to die. And he could no longer care for his life and for whatever purpose that drove him to do that.

"No one could love me. But you did. And I killed you." He whispered this sadly to no one. Darkness was consuming him again with only the Northern Lights as his source of illumination. His mother's lights that showed him hope and he crushed it by putting a dagger on her chest.

"I killed you and there was no other way for me anymore." He was ready, ready to leave everything behind, he just needed one last push to end his miserable existence and he wanted someone to be with him to embrace his fears, to kiss him goodnight, to make him feel whole again. And he smiled hoping that she could see it as she has always wanted.

"I'll be with you very soon, Mother, I promise."

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A/N: I want to make this into a story with multiple chapters but I gotta know what you think, guys. One-shot or not? Please review and favorite! I would really appreciate it, who doesn't? =)


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